YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...MAYBE TWICE!
Hospital AGAIN!!!!!!!
My oldest boy and my Wife went to the Shell station Saturday night to get everyone something to drink...While they were there, (from what my oldest has told me), my wife started having trouble breathing and ended up passing out...He quickly called 911 and in three minutes the ambulance was there...I get a phone call and thought my wife had wrecked my truck, because all the oldest would tell me was I needed to come get the truck...I was able to get a ride to the Shell station when an officer pulled me over to the side and told me that they had to intubate her and that they were breathing for her...Then the officer told me that she had died and the EMT's were able to bring her back...They take her to the hospital and it doesn't get any better....
It's pretty bad dude...She died on us three times, once at the Shell station, once on the way to the ER and again when they life flighted her to Jackson...They were able to get her back all three times and as it stands right now, she is in the Cardio Vascular Intensive Care Unit at Jackson Madison Hospital...She is stable, but critical. They have her on life support and they have dropped her body temp to 33 degrees to keep her brain from swelling...Today they started warming her body temp and said it will take a while in order for them to reach normal body temp...Once this is down, they will stop the sedatives and will allow her to start waking up to see if she'll start trying to breath on her own...Right now she is in a medicated coma...
After she comes to, if she comes to, she'll have brain, diabetes, kidney, lung and heart specialists prodding and probing her for the next 2 months and then she might get to come home after that...But as it stands right now, that's just being hopeful...
So right now I'm just running on instinct and nothing else....That's why I haven't been around for the last few days....I'm really just doing my best to keep it together for the boys...If I break they'll end up thinking or believing the worst and so I have to keep going and deal with this shit on my own...
Yeah her mom and sister and my sister and dad are trying to help me deal with it, but as it stands right now, none of them understand a mothering fucking thing and I wish people will stop telling me that they know what I'm going through and telling me to call them if I wanna talk...
They have NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH AND I DON'T NEED TO FUCKING TALK TO ANYONE...Yes, some of them have lost spouses and friends and lovers and whatever, but they don't know how I fucking feel or what I'm going through...I have people saying I'm sorry dude, it must be tough...
YOU STUPID SONOFABITCH, REALLY, YOU THINK IT'S FUCKING TOUGH!!! WHAT GAVE YOU THE FIRST FUCKING CLUE SHERLOCK MOTHERFUCKING HOLMES???
DEAL WITH TWO KIDS who are MOMMA's boys all the way, One is 17 and the other is 9 and listening to them cry in thier rooms because their mom's aint fucking home...Try taking on the roll or putting on the shoes of someone who could defuse a situation by just looking at the kids...Take on the roll of someone who could make you laugh just by spilling a drink or something...
You want to know what the hell I'm going through, I'm pissed off at her for not taking better care of herself, I'm pissed off at me for not taking the fucking steps that needed to be done before her ass ended up back in the fucking hospital...I'm pissed off at the man upstairs for putting my family through this mess, I'm pissed off at everyone that has literally told me "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH", when they know FUCKING NOTHING about what I'm going through...
I'm pissed off at myself for not even being able to be in her room and not being able to look at her...I'm pissed off because I cant even bring myself to touch her...I'm pissed off because everybody keeps telling me I need to be there with my wife and they all know that the fucking 80 mile round trip eats a lot of my gas for my truck, let alone how limited my funds are in even keeping the fuel in the truck...
I'm fucking tired of everyone wanting to touch me and hug me or somehow show pity towards me...
If these fucking people really wanna help me, how about helping supply me with the funds I need to drive and see my wife...How about come watch my fucking dog for the day so I can see my wife while my kids are in school...How about fucking pulling out that gas can in your goddamn garage and putting it in my gas tank...How about helping me out with a little bit of food to feed my kids...
Quit telling that if there's anything you can do, to let you know...Because when I mention something about a few bucks for gas or a pack of fucking hotdogs so my kids can get something in their bellies, because our foodstamps haven't kicked in yet, and you tell me well I don't have it or I'll have it tomorrow...FUCK THAT, you said ask if I need anything to call, I call because I need a little fucking help because my wife is in the hospital and I need a little help with minor shit, and you're going to tell me you can't do it or you don't fucking have it...Well let me tell you MOTHERFUCKERS SOMETHING, I'M FUCKING DONE WITH YOU....Don't fucking tell me shit and when it comes time to collect on your word you back pedal and fight or lie to get out of owning up to your word....
Sorry, nothing like this applies to you dude...I'm just so tired, worried, confused, upset and just trying to keep a check on my emotions and shit that I didn't mean to rant...Things just don't look good around here...The shit seems to be hitting the fan and I'm not prepped for shit like this...Hell, zombies, I'm ready for...Losing my wife and having to raise two kids alone, dude that's got the shit scared out of me...
I'm trying to look on the fucking bright side, but it's really hard when you end up seeing your wife with tubes in her nose, lines in her arms and neck and a breathing tube down her fucking throat...
So if anyone wants to know how I'm fucking doing, My wife is on her death bed and I have to boys that are emotionally stressed the hell out because their mom is in the hospital and I'm scared shitless...
No offense to anyone, but please don't tell me you know how I feel...Because everyone feels shit different and this is the most scariest shit I've ever been through and this is NO FUCKING walking in the park....
I'm posting this as a reply to so many emails of everyone asking me how's things going...I don't mean any offense by any means of what I said or direct any of this towards anyone here, I just had to update everyone on what's going on...ANd today I really had enough of "If there's anything I can do, Call me" fuckers that I had to let it out...
Miss you guys....
Jessie
Views: 485
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Komrad Venessa Wicked☭ on
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I know it is tough but it is only a few months and then he will be home with you and Lj. Just make sure guys keep in touch are you going to be able to spend Thanksgiving together?
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Permalink Reply by Jessie W. Garrett III on
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Won't be spending any holidays together...If what we are trying doesn't work, he'll leave this saturday...
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Permalink Reply by Komrad Scarlet Zombie☭ on
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He is old enough to see how hard you are trying to keep the family together. I will keep you in my Prayers.
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Permalink Reply by Black Plague on
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Thanks
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Permalink Reply by KOMRAD RHINO☭ on
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My heart give out to you bro. I talked to my ATF field agent to see if there was anything in a way if strings they could pull on your behalf. Unfortunately it was a bust idea. I wish I could have done more.
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Had to fucking lawyer up with what ever money I could scrap up...But at least the fucking worthless piece of shit can't touch or hurt my family anymore....My son Jason, (step-son by law), CANNOT BE TAKEN FROM MY HOUSE, THE TOWN OF CAMDEN, THE COUNTY OF BENTON OR THE STATE OF TN....Unless it's with me or a school official, (which he's in Marching band)...Other then that, the boy is safe from his money grubbing, worthless piece of shit of the human race...He's not even worth calling a man, because NO man would treat their first born like a piece of trash like he has treated Jason over the years...Late with child support because he kept quiting his job, never visiting, never sending birthday or christmas presents or even cards, never calling him and just talking to him or even taking the boy camping, fishing or all the other dad stuff...Hell, I was the one doing all that...Jason's sperm donor keeps hollaring Jason's his blood, but yet has disowned the boy twice...Hell, it took a damn court order in order for that man to even pay child support...What kind of a fucking man would have to go to court in order to pay child support for his first born...Hell what kind of father would even disown his first born...
Anyways, I've been able to retain legal services stopping this motherfucker from tearing my family apart and more then what has happened with the passing of my wife...It's a lot of money, but it's worth fighting and spending...Hell I raised that boy for the past 13 years and I'm the only other constant male figure he has really ever known....
So, to let everyone know and re-cap, My step son doesn't and will not leave this house and even if his dad tries to come and take him he will be met with legal papers, law enforcement and an asswhoppin that will make him wish he would have climbed in the ring with Mike Tyson back in Tyson's prime...
Looks like things are coming together...Looks like the wife and her little secrets are still appearing from out of nowhere...
Will fill everyone in after Wednsday....
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I am happy to hear that your son will be staying with you. That guy needs to get a life and get it plenty far away from you and yours so you all can heal.
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Permalink Reply by Komrad Gas Mask Killer☭ on
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I am so sorry for all of your hardships.
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Permalink Reply by Wicked Death☭ on
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My prayer and hearts are with you Komrad.
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Update
We've been taking everything one day at a time...And things have been getting somewhat back to normal...As normal as it can be...
The most I feel the loss that we have suffered is during the evening after the boys go to bed...That's when I feel the loneliness of her not being here...The time in which we would talk, bicker with each other and goof off together...It's still lonely as hell at night and being in that big ass bed alone really makes things seem totally not real...The boys have adjusted pretty good, but I'm still having some problems dealing with just the loneliness...
Though I usually jump on the PS3 and play Destiny with friends, it's still and will never feel the same as having her here...It's one thing to miss someone, but when the hurt and the emptiness within you goes deeper then most people could ever image, it's hard to keep your head up and the act of being strong in front of others...Often times at night, though I never let the boys or anyone see it, I break and tears roll down with the silence of the house...
It's never easy dealing with a death of someone, specially someone who you've been with for 13 years and married for 9 of those 13 years...There's time when no matter what has happened or what has to be done the following day, that empty spot within you still aches...
I'm just taking it one day at a time...It has gotten a little easier as the time passes, but the aching still seems to creep in at times when you lease expected...
Jason, (my step-son), is doing really well since we have retained a lawyer in order to keep his dad from getting a hold of him...Jason's father, or sperm donor as I like to call him, has tried his damnedest to get Jason to move without his sperm donor from having to come get Jason...Well Jason has totally blew his sperm donor off or has literally has seen the light about his real dad...As it stands right now, on the 15th paperwork will be filed with the court system here in TN on behalf of Jason to allow me temperary custody till Jason turns 18...Once the paperwork is filed, his father will have 30 days to respond, which I doubt this asshole will respond, but if he does, the lawyer and even the juvenile officer there at the courthouse will see to it that the case is drawn out till December 27th of this year, just long enough for Jason to turn 18...And then his sperm donor can't do shit but sit back and watch as he eats shit and dies...
Jason has seen the truth about his real dad...That his real dad will promise money, clothes and things, but never follow through on his word...Hell, the man told Jason he would give him $300.00 bucks when he went to visit this past june and after Jason snapped and beat the shit out of his sperm donor, the worthless prick not only renounced on his word but also denounced that Jason was his son...Jason came home and said he has it made here and that at least when I promise something, even though it takes awhile to get it done, that at least it gets done...
So everything on Jason's end is shaping up to be fine....
Lj has suffered a set back in his treatment for cronic irratable bowl syndrome...So this past weekend and this fall break of three days, we will be having to do a full onslaught of myralax to flush Lj out and to see if we can get the blockage to move...I know we we missed a few doses during the passing of his mom and the stress in which we were all under due to Jason's sperm donor...
The Doctor understood and wants us to try and do this flush out with the myralax, if the blockage doesn't move, then we will have to use the stuff in which they give to adults before they go in for a camera up the poopchute...He's hoping this clean out works, so that way Lj won't have to go through the pain and cramps from the personal discovery channel special meds...
Lj seems to be or have adjusted to the fact his mommy is no longer with us and she'll never be coming home...He had some bad nights and some tough mornings but has adjusted pretty good to the new life and the new adventure in which we are all having to face before we were actually ready to face...Plus Jason has adjusted just as good as Lj has...So both of the boys have done really good, but I made sure that both boys had plenty of help and people to talk to between school councelors, teachers, friends and family...So they have had a lot of help and are doing very good...
There you have it...Everyone has been adjusting pretty good here and it seems that our lives are starting to pick up on a routine in which we can settle into...
I want to Thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for their gifts and their ears and their shoulders to bend and lean on...You all have helped me and mine to deal with a very and almost impossible situation in which I would have probably lost my mind in dealing with...
If I could hug all of you that have sent gifts and have provided me an ear to bend or a shoulder to lean on, I would hug the hell out of you...
Thank You...
A little side note:
Lj saw a commerical about eharmony and told me I needed to go there and see what happens...I pulled his little ass from his room into the living room and went to eharmony.com...I made him stand there as I took the 8 minute questioniare...Which after I filled it out and hit find a match, it took it 2 minutes and then it popped back up with "THERE WAS NO MATCH MADE, PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER."...I told Lj and let him see that there's no other woman out there that could put up with me other then mom...That's when we both broke down and started laughing...
I thought this was funny as a stripper in Hell...
Thanks EVERYONE
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Oh, and for those who didn't know, I'm having my house phone shut off...Now that I have a cell phone and since everyone calls me on it I've decided to have the house phone shut off and take that money and put it towards putting cable in both the boys's rooms so I can get my TV back...I'm just so tired of Disney, Nick and the cartoon network and Spongbob that if I don't get my TV back soon, the newspaper headlines will end up reading,
"Local Man goes on Murdering Spree because SpongeBob Squarepants drove him nuts..."
(LOL)
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Been Awhile, BUt I'm still Alive
Greetings Everyone, Well it's been awhile. As things go, life carries us all in different directions from time to time but you always find your way home sooner or later. Well, life ain't all fun and games, but right now, things are going good. I have restarted my writing on my book again, and as I learn more about about some of the ROle-playing games I have gotten into, I am seriously thinking about rying to create an actual Zombie Survival Role-playing game. But have not set any time…
ContinuePosted by Jessie W. Garrett III on May 22, 2024 at 12:32am — 1 Comment
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