YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...MAYBE TWICE!
Just venting to add to the discussion board
*looks at discussion and sees Preacher, Preacher, Preacher, Preacher, Preacher.....*
*looks at number of members*
For real guys? One guy?
Anywho, this discussion has nothing to do with anything I just went through a sucky experience recently and had to re-evaluate my whole life. Coming back to civil society was hard on me. There's a life I was building for myself requiring a ton of work and a detachment of the mind and spirit from just about about everyone and everything and it never really got to me until recently; the isolation started to make me crack. Returning to a normal setting. I've missed a lot. I come from a large family and the thing about that is when you're born really close together in large numbers you also die together in large numbers and my family is dwindling and dwindling and dwindling -- not that I care. It's not like we're that close...for whatever reason my parents thought it would be an awesome idea to have me twenty years behind everyone else leaving me to be the only person in my generation.
Thanks.
The big deal I experienced this weekend is seeing my nephew for the first time. I was working for so long I missed his birth: no one knew how to reach me to even tell me my sister was pregnant. My neice is graduating high school soon. She's driving. I missed so much. And everyone could see the weight of it all over my face having to listen to these updates. I thought it was cool that we had this house and this farm and these goals and I thought it was cool we had our little group and I still am fascinated by the zombie culture because it's just awesome and it will always be awesome and even though that stuff was mostly for disaster relief vs. actually for the zombie apocalypse, it's easier to do business with people in this culture as opposed to explaining to a modern society the necessity of preparing for catastrophe. But got damn. Maybe I should just be a normal human being from now on. Someone with a family and friends I can actually feel and attach to. Someone who knows how to work a digital camera. It's not so bad in the modern world.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Aubrey Dontneedaknow on
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lmao. no ones ever gotten to me like that before...
other people try to talk to me or advice me and i dont know what people are looking at that they think its normal to convince me i dont need anyone and that i should magically be perfect while being the person everyone puts the world on....but i literally feel like you just got in my face and massacred my pride and pushed me down so i could hear that i need people.
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Permalink Reply by KOMRAD RHINO☭ on
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Aubrey. my intention was to never hurt your feelings or massacre your pride. but when it comes down to it. we all need someone. anyone. if not family. we were not brought into this world alone. we dont go forth into the world alone. and we never go out of this world alone. we always have someone. anyone if not family. that was a lesson i learned the hard way.
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lmao @ that comment opening the floodgates. this is REALLY uncomfortable but it feels a lot better
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sometimes it helps to vent. and to vent at an objective ear. lol.
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lol. You say that. You may be well informed about certain avenues of life but actually living it is another thing entirely. The isolation from society, even if you don't particularly like it, is extremely painful and tough on the emotional and mental health. But what I'm finding is....everyone seems dead anyway. There's no life. Everyone just seems so...lifeless. And stagnant. There's no value in anything or depth. No passion. I can't connect with people because I feel so full of life and energy and yet it seems like society as a whole is just a big engine that drags people down and keeps them obedient and I absolutely can not seem to find a way to relate to anyone or anything or connect because it's like......wtf are you doing? *shakes people* WAKE UP!!! And then, everyone hates me. Assimilating is tough but there's no way in hell I'd wanna be isolated ever again.
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"doing it isn't as tough as you would think"
true. doing things that require isolation isn't the hard part it's being isolated when you need people and then when your need becomes desperation and you have no one, that's the tough part. realizing you have no one and nothing around you is the tough part. but the lifestyle. *shrug* THAT'S the easy part. hard work. but easy and good for the spirit.
preacher, the thing about you is that you've done so much research about the things you WANNA do with your life that you think you know everything. having actually lived and worked for what i wanna do. having actually LIVED the things youre researching. having made the moves and made the transition despite the extraordinary adversity and then facing loss after loss after loss and then having no one get behind something my blood, sweat and fortitude went into will make a person crack. lol @ isolation for a week. You do mini spells of isolation. You isolate for a week? LOLOLOL. a week. A WEEK?! for real? im not even gonna address a week compared to what ive done but i will tell you, for someone who hasnt done shit you have entirely too much to say but its cool because hopefully one day youll actually get off your ass and work towards something. that way when someone who has worked towards something talks to you, your natural reaction wont be to feel exceptionally threatened.
when we first met i was sick as hell and had motored through the illness for quite a few months yet as the main idealist behind what we're doing, i felt it necessary to try to squeeze out a last contribution. therefore...i was a bitch. i didnt have the time nor the fortitude to put up with bullshit or knowitall little babies because i was in a clutch, so you got your ass spanked and a time out and now as opposed to doing something with all the bullshit you spew youre choosing to go into the army. you can now stfu with your underhanded threats. im being open because im tired as hell of being of a leader. and in a non leadership position, when youre assed out....and you realize you have no idea how to be anything but a leader. it isnt about being iron fisted. its about connecton. you really....need to get some life experience. your tone is cool as well as your misguided advice as well as your jaded outlook as well as your incorrect assessments because i simply dont care if youre wrong as all hell. i just care you talk a lot.
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as far as assimilating. i dont even think that isht is possible. there is no way in the world i can go from the responsibilities ive had all my life and especially the last few years....to being THIS damn weak. you and i both are blindsided by that i still havent figured it out. alls i know is im suddenly scared of everything i feel completely by myself and i have no idea how to be around people who im not guiding, leading or helping. it doesnt make me a liar. it makes me human. but i do agree about the socializing thing. 99% of people use socializing for a lifestyle in avoidance of real responsibilty; 1% of people who are responsible have to lead everyone else. you sound like the people who look up to me being completely terse for having injuries and wanting time to care for myself. wounds start to stack up after the years and patches stop working. sorry. calling me a liar is childplay. you cant recognize a leader because you arent one. yet. and you cant recognize a leader who is tired and exhausted. because youve yet to carry the weight of people around you, outside of this website. your opinion is almost irrelevent. but its still cool.
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as passionate a man as you are about your son. i dont see you in total isolation from him even after he is grown. maybe from most people. but not your son. lol. and whether or not Aubrey is for real or not for me really isnt an issue. but even a person with an iron fist can realize they fucked up when the loneliness of isolation hits. that would be enough for most people to do a 180 turn in their life and wonder if what they are doing is wrong. believe it or not. until i met Yeliz. i was content with the seclusion i had. just my friends here on wz and my direct family. but as my connection with my wife strengthened. i came to realize i needed just a bit more then what i had. that is why i am giving the benefit of the doubt here.
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im going to be a liar for the next several years. no great idea is built in a day. no significant progress is made in a day. there is no proof in the pudding. other than a decade from now when the isht hits the fan. and thats cool with me. i dont want the responsibility anymore and i left it up to the people i was working with. my name wont be on it. i wont be associated with its success. it doesnt matter that i spawned what could very well save thousands of people if we ever have a haiti sized earthquake or yellowstone goes up or whatever. it doesnt matter who gets the credit and it doesnt matter if people believe me it matters that i put in what i had while i had it and i will gladly be a liar who no one knows because im tired of being expected to carry everything.
preach needs me to be lying. so. im lying. there is no farm. and if you ever hear of a senator with the first name aubrey. it isnt me. and if you hear of a new disaster relief program. i didnt start it. and if you hear of ghost towns making a come back. that wasnt my idea. because im lying. and im tired. and i dont give a fuck. regardless of if im lying or telling the truth the fact of the matter is ive been running on less than empty for entirely too long and for something that isnt even real to people.
preach can call me a liar. but dont think for a second because you carry a website you have the right to condescend to me. bitch. you can only last a week in my world. you cant even make it out the door. you give up on some samara in the well type shit. 7 days. and youre dead? get outta here. >>>>>>>>
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a dream deferred.
someone else can have it.
because im human. and i dont want it anymore.
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hm. preach...do you wanna help them put this stuff together? id have to school you though...
friendly joke. while i make a complete ass out of your lack of intelligence and experience. and make you eat your words...and youll have to earn the privelege of me shitting on you.
but if youd like to be taught the basics of my work and want to contribute and see for yourself.
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not to sound like i am starting anything. but you once invited me to see what you and your friends created. is that invite still open?
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