YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...MAYBE TWICE!
Just venting to add to the discussion board
*looks at discussion and sees Preacher, Preacher, Preacher, Preacher, Preacher.....*
*looks at number of members*
For real guys? One guy?
Anywho, this discussion has nothing to do with anything I just went through a sucky experience recently and had to re-evaluate my whole life. Coming back to civil society was hard on me. There's a life I was building for myself requiring a ton of work and a detachment of the mind and spirit from just about about everyone and everything and it never really got to me until recently; the isolation started to make me crack. Returning to a normal setting. I've missed a lot. I come from a large family and the thing about that is when you're born really close together in large numbers you also die together in large numbers and my family is dwindling and dwindling and dwindling -- not that I care. It's not like we're that close...for whatever reason my parents thought it would be an awesome idea to have me twenty years behind everyone else leaving me to be the only person in my generation.
Thanks.
The big deal I experienced this weekend is seeing my nephew for the first time. I was working for so long I missed his birth: no one knew how to reach me to even tell me my sister was pregnant. My neice is graduating high school soon. She's driving. I missed so much. And everyone could see the weight of it all over my face having to listen to these updates. I thought it was cool that we had this house and this farm and these goals and I thought it was cool we had our little group and I still am fascinated by the zombie culture because it's just awesome and it will always be awesome and even though that stuff was mostly for disaster relief vs. actually for the zombie apocalypse, it's easier to do business with people in this culture as opposed to explaining to a modern society the necessity of preparing for catastrophe. But got damn. Maybe I should just be a normal human being from now on. Someone with a family and friends I can actually feel and attach to. Someone who knows how to work a digital camera. It's not so bad in the modern world.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by KOMRAD RHINO☭ on
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Aubrey. the thing about survival in any situation be it zombies or anything else is not to cut yourself off from family. family is what makes us who we are. we may be their children, the future. but if you cut yourself off from the past. you cease to exist because you lost your beginning. so go ahead and be prepared for the future or z-poc. whichever comes first. but always keep in contact with family. believe it or not. you can have the best of both worlds. my family thinks i am totally nuts for thinking there could be a z-poc. that is until they saw the reports of cannibalism as of late. then they reevaluated their situation and started prepping with me. so if anything while you prep. prepare for them to so when it happens and their eyes finally open. you can say "see. i told you it would come. follow me, i can save us all" and have the goodies stored up to do so.
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Permalink Reply by Aubrey Dontneedaknow on
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I never felt as if I had a place in my family. I think they hate me Rhino I really truly believe that. So I just became self-sufficient. I don't wanna be anymore. but I don't feel like I belong with them. I haven't even told them about what I was doing. Did you get along with your family even though you had your differences?
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we always have our moments. what family does not? but we always came together when needed. so i would have to say yes to that one. if anything. try to involve them in what you are doing. maybe they can even add a perspective you didnt have before. and as far as hating you goes. i dont think they hate you. otherwise why would they even let you in the door much less bring you up to speed with what is going on with your family? give it time. and most of all. dont try to make it happen. it just will.
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maybe my family isn't so bad. we always come together when it matters too. maybe i just need to learn how to properly form attachments with people and i wont feel it necessary to isolate.
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Permalink Reply by Komrad Wayne on
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Although Im a little confused as to what your exactly saying here, I too dont have any family around me, My family is scattered all over the country, even my mom and them is in GA...it does suck though, family is important, and being around them makes life that much better...as far as the modern society, welcome...Im not sure what you mean, where were you that you were isolated from society?
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I wasn't tryna make a point I was more so just opening up about something I just went through and hoping someone would say something I could relate to or help me understand myself and what I'm going through a little better.
How are you surviving all by yourself? That must take a lot of guts. I bet you're really smart too. Resourceful. Is it scary?
lol, thanks for the welcome. I was living in no mans land helping to refurbish a farm and prepping for national disaster relief. All of the properties are really far in the backwoods so I just sorta threw myself into the lifestyle to see what I could learn about a natural, full of nature, no technology way of life and I got really passionate about it and I just started detaching myself and isolating myself in the sense I only stayed on our properties and I only dealt with people who had to do with moving the project forward and I didn't really contact anyone outside of it. Just think of it as living like an Amish person and then coming back to a city. and in even coming back to a city I still feel lonely. and scared. Culture shock. I mean it's not like I was born into an Amish-like life but I've always been rather sheltered it's just weird all the advancements and having to learn how to deal with people. Not to mention my family. I can hear it in their voices I can see it in their faces. A welcome I don't want. I'm not even sure I want to be included I don't feel as if I have a place here. With them or in this world.
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if its any comfort. even the Amish and Mennonites dont totally seclude themselves because they need interaction with society as much as you or i do. they just shun the whole technology part of society and live simple and basic like the pioneers did. but should a major emergency happen. they do have a means of getting to help like cars and phones. some can even fly private planes if they are out far enough. so even they are not totally isolated. if you were looking for total seclusion. i think you were making a total mistake there. very few humans can lead a secluded life and stay sane. even Robinson Carouse started to lose sanity until he found his friend Friday. good read for a classic. even as private as i tend to be. i still need to interact some with people. i just keep it to a minimum as to whom i socialize with. the only time seclusion will ever work totally is if you at the very least have some family to interact with. the fact that you are now feeling awkward like you are now should tell you something of what i am saying is true.
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no. i know what youre saying is true. i think thats where my fear comes in. i literally felt like i was losing my mind. not in a crazy way, like psychotic way. but i felt like...i was ignoring myself. or ignoring the maintainence a human needs. i felt like i was ignoring my human needs especially when it comes to connection and stuff and i just became accusomted to doing as much as i could beneath the bare minimum and i feel scared for myself. i never bothered to pay attention to mental or emotional needs and i felt like. i felt. not suicidal. but i felt. in a dangerous harmful, place in my mind trying to pretend like i dont need anyone or anything. ever. period. i feel really threatened. and i feel like everyone can just look at me and see i went too long alone. theres not tension there but my family looks...maybe not sad. but. understanding. or helpful. and im just a ball of not knowing how to be helped or how to relax or how to be part of something where IM the one being cared for and tended to. i feel like....a weak crybaby. who just needs people as any human being does.
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believe it or not. again, that is natural. and you did neglect the part of you that is human. a person can see to all the physical needs they can anticipate. but the emotional needs are much harder to prepare for. that is where those closest to us can come in. family. we could probably go without most people. but there is always gonna be that need for family. and to feel the need for family is not a weak thing. its a natural thing. that is why i mentioned telling them about what you are up to survival wise. they may even like the idea and expand on it. at the very least it will answer their questions as to why you were gone so long. a healthy family relationship is built on honesty and not secrets. and correct me if i am out of line here. but it sounds like you been hiding a biggie from them.
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this is hard. i literally feel rage. because im cracking. and it burns. its like im flooded with weakness and emotion and im fighting it and i get pissy and just hearing you say what you just did i legit wanted to just go back and force my way through it. i DONT need anyone. i dont have to sit here and hear this bs. im NOT weak. its hard. for me to sit here. and accept what youre saying because its making me feel. broken. and without pride. i dont like myself needing people or help or anything i feel anger at my condition and i didnt even realize. im just mad. i didnt know i had weaknesses. and. i dont tell them anything. i never have. i used to pride myself on being able to be without them and live without them i used to base everything in the fact that i didnt need them and i told myself you dream this up and you make this happen and you do it by yourself and i never told them anything. i never batted an eye. i never shed a tear. i never reached out. i never even remotely hinted to anything i was doing with my life because it never seemed approproiate. i only see them once in a blue moon. im never around. and i never want it to be about me because i didnt wanna feel this internal battle. they dont know anything. and im scared to tell them. i dont think its worth it. i feel stupid. ive never been part of the family theres no reason to need them its annoying and im angry at myself.
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i never said you were weak. i said that needing family was not a weak thing. you have been so busy trying to not need. that a part of you forgot that you in a certain way do need them. they are a part of you just as my family is a part of me. and Preachers is a part of him. family brings us up when we are down. help us when we need it and in general, just there for us. that is just a fact. and its not being broken to need those close to you either. its just human nature. that is just truth. and if you talk to them. you may find that they need you just as much. just my observation. again. if i am wrong. correct me.
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im gonna make it two words into a sentence and then im gonna break down into sobs and then everyone is going to look at me like im crazy because im never around and suddenly im this emotional wreck who NEEDS help i dont want. i just feel really foolish. in everything ive done. i wish. lol. just. lol. here i am needing them to support me as a person and theyre going to think im crazy and its gonna break my heart and in the end im still gonna be alone and the only point to all this was me coming to terms with the fact that im not a machine and im not indestructible and suprise. i actually need my family to make it through life.
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