The Sweet Sting of Spring

It is early morning and I’m staring outside a window. I see that Spring is coming. It makes me sad. There’s burgeoning beauty outside and I can’t truly savor it.

Because I’m stuck in here. Trapped within this formidable four walls. I always hated school. Especially high school. When I say that I hated school I don’t mean I loathed the enlightening and enriching process of academic education. I hated the sickening social scene, the crushing conformity, the callous cliques and the cruel circles.

I was a big,fat pimpled faced nobody all throughout high school. I desperately wanted to be super cool and smooth as Zack Morris or as fit and athletic as Slater. But I never managed to be anything more than a half step below Screech. Screech was at least skinny and had friends. I had no friends. Not one. I was courteous and friendly to everybody. But no one gave a shit. No one cared.

From grade nine to graduation I was either harassed or ignored. In a lot ways being treated like I was invisible stung worse than being mistreated. At least when you’re being abused you are also being acknowledged in a fucked up way.

High school was HELL. A hell more insufferable than the one I am enduring now and that’s the God’s honest truth. Zombies just eat your flesh. Thoughtless teenagers can eat your soul.

My second go around through high school has not been totally miserable. Heather continues to be my ray of sweet sunshine throughout all this gloominess. Every time I talk to her I grow more amazed by the wealth of her intelligence and the breadth of her captivating spirit.

Heather is not the only light of my life. I have recently forged a friendship with a whip smart, spunky 12 year old named Andrew who is such a good hearted kid. He looks a lot like me when I was younger. We both have the same type of curly brown hair, share the same shade of olive skin and bear angular features.

Andrew and I also share similar interests. His love for film is just as fervent as my own. We both wholeheartedly agree that horror films totally rule! And all other genres are just pawns.

Andrew passes the time by sketching on anything he can get his hands on. He showed me some of his artwork and I was very impressed. The kid is extraordinarily talented. It breaks my heart that the world will never come to know of his flourishing gift(one which he's proud to share) because it’s coming to a harrowing end. By the way things are going, Andrew probably will not see his thirteenth birthday. Chances are I won’t live to see my thirty-third.

Life is really going down the shitter. The living conditions within this shelter are lately resembling those of a wicked maximum security prison where the inmates are running loose. The number of thefts and assaults have skyrocketed. Murders have gone up, too. And rapes are rising to frightening levels. No one is safe. Women, men and even small children have fallen victim to the ravaging attacks.

Not long ago, Andrew got dangerously close to being raped. He was in the restroom about to wash his hands when three men, three times his age, suddenly jumped him. These monsters pummeled and stripped him.

Just before the men were able to force themselves on him, I stepped in. I quickly whipped out my trusty baton and proceeded to bash their fucking skulls in! By the time I was done bashing, the terrible trio were lying on the floor sopping in their own blood. I thought I’d killed them. Later, I found out that they were all still among the living. That pissed me off. I truly prayed for their deaths. Still do.

The bastards still lie in intensive care. When they were asked who put them there the fuckers wouldn’t say. I really don’t give a shit if they rat me out or not. I’m sure they’re keeping mum for reasons of retribution. If they come after me(and I’m certain they’ll try)you best believe that before I send them to their makers, they’re gonna know what it’s like to be women because I swear I’m gonna slice their fuckin’ dicks off!

Andrew is holding strong and steady since the attack. A busted lip and a bruised eye are the only physical reminders of what happened. But I’m afraid that injuries inflicted internally are numerous. Andrew has not spoken one word concerning the incident. I don’t blame him. I’ve never had heartless animals trying to sodomize me but I’ve experience the pain and shame brought on by someone violating you in a place that they shouldn’t. My heart goes out to Andrew.

I am bursting with so much emotion right now. Most of it is burning rage. I really need to calm down or it will completely consume me. But I can’t simmer down. This life won’t let me. I need a new life.

I look outside and it’s springtime. The perfect time to spring out of here.