YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...MAYBE TWICE!
Something to tickle your rib-cage, by Keith Carpenter
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A ZOMBIE WHEN....
1) It’s suddenly easy being GREEN.
2) You start using Envy as an excuse.
3) Your friends tell you to “Break a Leg” but you can’t because it already fell off.
4) You only wish someone would fart in the elevator so you can finally smell something besides yourself.
5) The hooker asks you to give her a tip but you’re embarrassed to admit you actually left her the WHOLE THING.
6) You have an uncontrollable urge to write a “Happy Father’s Day” Card to George Romero.
7) Giving someone head takes on a whole new meaning.
8) You’re suddenly more interested in a girls Brains than her Boobs.
9) You’re door to door sales job fails because even the Jehovah’s witnesses won’t answer the door.
10) Your best friends names are UGGRREH and MMUGGRRH
11) Your friends can find you by Following the Yellow maggot Road… Oh, if I only HAD A BRAIN!
12) You trade in your Viagra for Rigor Mortis.
13) You don’t call home to your wife anymore, but now you just show up for the séances.
14) Your wife’s new pet name for you is “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!”
15) You’re in a movie with Tom Savini.
16) You keep thinking the medical Journal of Anatomy is a menu.
17) The only time you see your family is when you’re eating leftovers.
18) Beer actually does “Go Right Through You”
19) You see a pretty girl and your eyes pop out… but then they’re hell to stick back in.
20) You’re friends ask you “How’s Jim” and you respond with “He’s delicious… want some?”
21) You throw your dog a bone and realize your foot’s attached to it.
22) You’re skin is more leathery than your mother-in-law’s, which doesn't taste as bad as you thought it would.
23) You still brush your teeth after every meal, but now you brush them into a dust-pan and toss them in the garbage.
24) Instead of having the urge to soak your feet in warm water after a long day, now you use formaldehyde.
25) Instead of using oil of Oley for your facial you suddenly find yourself having to use BONDO.
Written by Keith Carpenter
HOPE YOU ENJOYED THEM.
Views: 31
Comment
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Comment by kasumalley on April 22, 2011 at 10:35pm
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"23) You still brush your teeth after every meal, but now you brush them into a dust-pan and toss them in the garbage."
Sounds like a really bad recurring dream I have. lol I ALWAYS dream that my teeth fall out. It flips me out more than a really scary dream.
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Comment by Komrad Scarlet Zombie☭ on April 21, 2011 at 11:35pm
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Keith Carpenter you have a funny sense of Humor! LOL!
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Comment by Keith Carpenter on April 21, 2011 at 11:25pm
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hahahaha please tell me you didn't have that laying around the house :P hahahhaha
hey btw when is the chatroom going to be back up and running?
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Comment by Komrad Venessa Wicked☭ on April 21, 2011 at 11:01pm
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Keith this is for the Zombie Skin Line... When Beauty is everything use BONDO!
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thanks friends.... glad you enjoyed them. :P
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Comment by Komrad Lady Sunyak on April 21, 2011 at 11:18am
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lmfao
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Oh, yeah, I believe I watched the video for that on something. Someone had it posted here. I don't know if it was you or not. Zombie jokes are always a win here. ;)
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I am great :) I am glad those funny little zombie jokes gave you a giggle. I wrote them originally for a friend of mine who has a puppet series he does called the Creepy Puppet Project and he did a stand up zombie comedian doing those jokes.
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"14) Your wife’s new pet name for you is “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!” "
lol Thanks for the laughs! ;) How are you?
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