My Lost Love Full of Grace

I went outside earlier today to procure some badly needed supplies. When I went out into the open, it wasn't just the living dead that haunted me. A ghost from the past appeared out of nowhere to spook me. Grace was the ghost's name. Grace was my ex-girlfriend. I considered her for a long time to be the most beautiful creature that God ever created. Grace was truly something special inside and out.

I spent some of the best years of my life with her. Unfortunately, my wonderful thing came to a crashing end. After four mostly blissful years, Grace and I broke up over a family issue. She wanted to have a family. I didn't. Although I adore children, back then, I believed that the world was too fucked up and cruel to bring children into it. I still believe that now, (even if the dead had never reanimated). However, Grace felt quite differently.

She wholeheartedly believe more than anything she was put on Earth to be a mother. She wanted me to be the father of her children. I wish I could've given her the only thing she ever truly wished for. But I just couldn't. I stubbornly wouldn't back down from my conviction. Not even in the name of love. I so deeply regret my choice now. Even though a child is not what I wanted, it was a gift that Grace wanted. And I should've bestowed her with that gift. Not because it would've kept us together but simply because she asked me too.

The last time I saw Grace before today was about two years ago. We had accidentally bumped into each other at some big named electronics store in Midtown. The meeting was painfully awkward to say the least. She of course, looked incredibly stunning - better than a ten!

Words fail to describe how she appeared this day. My eyes instantly welled up with tears when I saw her. What I saw was not my Grace! It was grotesquely rail thin and discolored sad shell of something rotten which used to be a woman but clearly was not anymore. In her deteriorated condition, I was surprised I was able to recognize her. My Grace had fallen from grace. She returned as one of them, who are actually one of us.

Watching her looking so empty and tragically lost was more than my broken soul could bear. So I pulled out my double saw-off , preparing to release Grace from her misery, when suddenly a last-minute observation made my blood go cold. Grace's belly was very swollen. The swelling was not from death's bloat or excess weight. It was from a baby. Someone had finally helped given Grace the gift she prayed for. The realization of that someone not being me cleaved my heart in two. My grief became more profound when I noticed a huge gaping cavity in Grace's belly. The infant was missing. It seemed the cavity was bored from inside her. My mind shudders thinking about what led to that happening. God I hope Grace didn't suffer long. And I pray her child is not suffering.

After I put Grace to rest, I buried her, along with my foolish hopes and dreams of us ever reuniting and my wish for her much deserved happiness.

It hurts so much. All that could've been.