Gone to Hell in a Hand Basket--------1

Did you ever wonder what everyone was doing when the world went to hell in a hand basket??

I was burning trash in my back yard here in Arkansas. I just outside Harmon on hwy62 and about three miles down a dirt road. It was the 4th of July. Nice. Sunny. Was looking forwards to a BBQ in the afternoon.

The event that were going to happen took all by surprise. Harrison, Ar. was to become ground zero.
If I had known any of that, I would have booked my fat ass to Texas!

It all started at 12:30 p.m. Some body was calling me. Damn phone never did know when shut the hell up. Tele-marketers, someone wanting to extend your car warranties or reduce your credit card debt. I know we all need one, but sometimes I think somebody should have shot Alexander Graham Bell!

The world would have been a better place.

So what did I do? I answered the damn phone!

What did I get? A really hysterical female voice screamed out of the phone screaming at me to come get them.

What the fuck? I work in a lumber yard. One week of pulling lumber and all you want do on the weekend is vegetate, get drunk, mellow out. Any guy who reads this can relate. Saturday is private time. And here was some dumb bitch screaming at me.

"Who the fuck is this and why should I give a GODDAMN!!!??",, "Answer now or I hanging the fuck up!''

A much more calmer voice came on. It was Kira Powell. A good looking girl of creole descent who would have made an excellent center fold for any calendar.

I asked "What do you want"/, "Could you please come get us?, I'll explain later"
"Where are you?"--" At the hwy 123 bridge near Hasty". I could hear screaming in the background.
I told her it be about an hour. "Please hurry" Kira cried.

I went to the barn first, got "Long Tom" and "Popper". "Tom" is a Sharps Buffalo Gun [40-70' and "Popper" is a swivel gun replica that I got down in Barataria, La.

I like things that go boom.

Got in my truck and boogied. Made it in record time. First, hwy123 is a windy sob. You can get to Jasper on it but it is the long way around.

Kira told that she and her friends ha decided to go on afloat trip from Ponca on hwy7 to Glibert just south of the hwy65 bridge on the Buffalo River. Just twenty miles. A two day trip.

BULLSHIT.

The sight that waited for me was not to be believed!!

It was a CAT FIGHT!! Between Claire Tillis and some scrawny bitch in a black jump suit.
Clothes were being torn, boobs were hanging out everywhere!!

It damn near turned me on until I saw all who were involved.
Claire Tillis, Kira Powell, Jodi Collins, and Dana Hill.

THE IDIOT POSSE. And I don't mean it in a kind way either.

Whenever, where ever, Any time, any place if there was a chance to do something stupid, these girls were usually at the center of it!

If some body wanted to protest about something, they did it. And the hell with the consequences!
And if what they did cost you out the ass, too bad. You're supposed to help these retards.

A 40-70 round between the eyes would be all the help that I would give. If the law let me that is.
The other girl in the fight was a Felicia Tombs. She worked for Suh-Tek. Some company from back east.

I thought to my self that this is PURE BULLSHIT!!, U.S.D.A. Choice at that!
I looked at the Deputy Sheriff and asked if he was going to do anything.

He said,"Yep, I'm staying right here until her dad shows up"

Claire's dad is Nate Tillis of the State Troopers stationed in Harrison. he was not going to like this at all.

I told the deputy that if he wasn't going to stop it, I would. Big time.
Your funeral he said.
I went to my truck and git out a Big ole CO2 fire extinguisher and let her go

CO2 and frosty naughty bits were all over the place!! I was the deputy's personal hero.
****************************************************************************************************************

Turned out that the fight was about was who could use the Buffalo.
The Buffalo River is a National River and is open to all.
Canoeist, Float trippers, Bass Fishermen. Anybody.
They got hiking trails galore. Makes a damn fine day trip too!

The I.P. [Idiot Posse] said that they were minding their business enjoying a float trip when these
assholes in black uniforms had shown up and started to scream at them, telling them that they had to leave, that they were trespassing on Government Property and if they didn't leave they would be arrested.

The assholes in black said they had received an alarm for some one tampering with their fence line.
Said that the fence was clearly marked and been cut down. They had found some twelve foot worth missing and these girl were the only ones in the area at the time.

Something started to stink and it wasn't my feet.

Naturally the ownership of the river bank got called into question and that is when the bullshit began. The assholes in black had started to push, shove, grabbing at the girls saying that they would be arrested, detained and charged with violating National security.

Then the shit hit the fan, a running battle ensued. The girls responded with shoving, pushing, rocks, pond scum, logs, anything that they could get their hands on. And it soon went down hill from there! Tombs had shown up and the ugliest cat fight in the history of cat fights had begun!!
They had been rivals in High school together!
***************************************************************************************************************

The fight had started at the Buffalo and went through every bit of scrub brush that there was.
Assholes even waded through a very dense patch of poison oak.
Me and Deputy Mayhew backed up to our vehicles just in case.
Poison oak takes its time going away and we didn't want any part of it!

They had just made the road side when a booming voice called out,
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE"?

Oh shit, it was the big papa bear himself, Capt. Nate Tillis of the State Troopers.
And he was really pissed! With him was about the ugliest S.O.B. in the world.
[That is, next to Nate]

Bernard Huvelmann, an arrogant french cocksucker who should have been drowned at birth along with his whore of a mother.

I had met him before and I never liked the bastard. Always had a corn cob stuck in his ass.
If given the chance, I would turn him into road kill.

And I would not shed a tear either!

Could this day get any worse?

It did. Perceval Du Lac. The living embodiment of Murphys Law. Anything that could go wrong, did.
And he always found rather interesting ways of making thing worse.
Like walking through the poison oak like a dumb ass.

A soul mate for Claire, a match made in hell.

Again, Papa Bear Tillis asked,"What the fuck is going on here"?, Answer now or you all are going to jail!"' Including My Idiot offspring",. Nobody said a word. The silence was deafening.
Huvelmann cleared his throat."I do believe that the good Capt. had asked you all a question"

" I suggest that you answer him", Miss Tillis, Lt. Tombs?"

At first no one said anything then all hell broke loose. The two bitches started screaming at each other. Basicly the b.s. as when I first showed up.

I thought 'The hell with this". Got on top of my truck and fired off with "Tom".
A giant boom filled the air. Everybody turned to look at me.

A Sharps Buffalo Rifle[40-70] can make a pretty big noise.
Giving those idiots a very evil grin and in my best Strother Martin I said" What we have here is a failure to communicate!" I motioned to Capt Tillis.

"This man here just asked you retards all a question and you all better answer him, NOW"

Capt. Tillis just glared at me, said to hush and to put that damn canon away.

******************************************************************************************************************

I went back to my truck for a drink. I couldn't believe it. 4th of July. Had a BBQ in the plans.
And here I was wasting time, waiting for a bunch of fucking idiots who were having a hard time of explaining what was their side of the story.

I didn't get to hear all of it, but Capt. Tillis was really pissed.
Seems that both side were in the wrong. Big time

The Idiot Posse did have their picnic too far up the bank, but the Assholes did not have any signs posted and their missing fence had been torn down by a tree.
Dumbasses all!!

Both sides got a lecture that lasted for an hour.

I could hear the beer cave at LJs calling me.
Tillis came over later and asked me to drive his idiot daughter and her friends to Gilbert to get their stuff and go home.

I said "Okay, but they ride in back." "your baby girl was tip toeing through the Poison Oak, again!"
Tillis just rolled his eyes. Said that he would call Marge and tell her to break out the calamine lotion.

Got the girls loaded with a minimum of bitchiness. Told that their asses would be in the back with the cow shit until such time as they learn to stay out of poison oak!"

Had an escort of three Sheriffs cars the entire way to Gilbert.
*****************************************************************************************************************

I had thought that things could not have possibly got worse.
But it did.

At 6:30 p.m. that night the News reported that Fishermen on the Buffalo River near Gilbert
had found a blood soaked canoe on the south bank.

In it were some blood soaked clothes and a bloody boot with a human foot still inside of it!!

AWE GODDAMN. 4th OF JULY JUST WENT TO HELL IN A HAND BASKET!!

We all locked our doors that night and went to bed with swords and guns loaded for bear!
Oh why wasn't I in Texas??

There was still more to come!