...bye bye, Lloyd...

What happened between the point where Nana opened her eyes and the moment I found myself here is a confusing, violent and mutinous mess.

"Here" is one of the many discarded outhouses of the farm. It's not much more than a concrete shack.

There's no power and the light outside is starting to fade. I have one of our remaining glow sticks, un-opened, in my jacket pocket. They're a precious commodity these days so I'm reluctant to open it unless absolutely necessary.

By my side is a thick leather belt and attached to this belt is a canteen of water and a machete. On my lap is Wanker's moderated .17HMR.

On the floor in front of me, sitting with his head bowed and his hands tied behind his back is Lloyd. His face is a mess and neither of us has spoken since our armed escort, or rather, lynch mob had left us alone at my request. That was about 20 minutes ago.

I have a lot of questions I want to ask him, but honestly, I don't know where to begin. Fortunately, Lloyd breaks the ice for me.

"Prick..." he says.

[The following is a transcript of our final conversation]

B.- Are you fucking serious!?

L.- What, just because you're the one with the gun I've got to be nice, is that it? Maybe you want me to call you "Mr" or "Sir" or...

[He looks up at me. Square in the eye]... "God"?

[He looks back down, that sickening smirk never leaving his face. I take a deep breath, before asking...]

B.- Why d'you do it, Lloyd?

[Silence, but in the dimming light I see his grin get wider]

B.- She's 14 years old, Lloyd.

L.- Any hole's a goal...

B.- She's a fucking child!

L.- ...and any goals a WINNER!!

[He laughs at his sick joke and I find myself getting enraged. That won't solve anything so I have to turn this around.]

B.- It didn't happen though, did it, Lloyd?

[Silence again. His grin is frozen on his face]

B.- What happened, mate? Let me guess... you couldn't get it up? Or, was she too feisty for you? Nope!? Maybe you just didn't like getting your face smashed in by a little girl!!

L.- FUCK YOU, PRICK!! FUCK YOU!! THAT FUCKING LITTLE WHORE WOULDA GOT IT IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT OLD FUCKING BITCH!!

B.- SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU GOT YOUR ARSE HANDED TO YOU BY A CHILD AND HER DEAR OLD GRANDMOTHER, ARE YOU, LLOYD!? YOU'RE FUCKING PATHETIC, MATE!!

L.- FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! FUUUCCKK OOOFFFFF!!!

[He thrashes about wildly for several seconds before staring at me, wild-eyed. He's breathing heavily, with specs of foam and spit round his mouth]

B.- What are you gonna do now, Lloyd? You look like you want to go for me! Is that it? You want to fight me!? And even if I untie you, how do you think that's going to work out for you, mate. Eh!?

[We lock eyes. He's still glaring at me but eventually his breathing slows and he looks back down. All trace of his leering grin has gone]

B.- Alright then...

[From the moment we let Lloyd join us one question had plagued my thoughts. It was to time ask that question]

B.- What happened with the other group, Lloyd?

[Silence]

B.- When we met you, you looked too well-fed and healthy to have been surviving on your own. You said that you'd been scavenging and hiding, but that's not true... is it.

[Silence still, as he continues looking down]

B.- [I speak more firmly] So what happened, Lloyd?

L.- [He chuckles quietly...menacingly] Same shit, different day.

B.- What do you mean by that, Lloyd?

L.- Well, let's just say she didn't have her fucking granny there to get in my way!

[He laughs out loud. The sound of it is disturbing and I change my line of questioning. All the while my voice is calm and composed. More for my own sake then his]

B.- But the group didn't like that, did they, Lloyd.

L.- Ha! No! But she fucking luuurrrved ..[SMACK!]

[I'd leant forward and slapped him hard across the face]

L.- AAAHH!! FUCKING HELL, YOU FUCKING PRICK!! THAT HURT, YOU CUN..[SMACK!!]

L.- AAAAAAHHHH!! FUCK!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING...[I raise my hand a third time, he flinches, backs down, and stops shouting]

[He just sits there, glaring at me and I get this feeling of unbelievable hatred towards him. I tell myself to calm down, to be more impartial. I know that my imminent actions will have to be decided upon through objective rationale and not purely down to the fact that I despise this disgusting creature, not just for what he did, but for what he is. Instead, I have another question]

B.- How did you get away with it, Lloyd? They didn't just let you go, did they...

L.- Fuck you, prick! I'm bored talking to you now. Why don't you just untie me, then you can shut your mouth, and I'll be on my merry little way.

[His smirk is back]

B.- Mate, I've got all night for this. You see, this is a serious matter and what you don't seem to understand is that I've got a decision to make...[He looks up at me, and for the first time since I've known him I see uncertainty. And fear]...and I can't make that decision without knowing all the facts. So, with that in mind, I'm going to ask you one more time- how did you get away?

[He looks back down. He won't meet my eyes]

L.- I just... walked out...

B.- No you fucking didn't, Lloyd. People don't just let that sort of thing go. What happened, Lloyd? What happenend when she told them what you did?

L.- She didn't tell them...

B.- What do you mean "she didn't tell them"?

L.- She...she couldn't...

[Hearing these words puts a knot in my stomach and I get an uneasy feeling that I know what's coming]

B.-[My voice is a low growl] What.. did you.. do..?

[Something must've snapped in him as, instantly, he's screeching hysterically]

L.- I didn't mean it! It wasn't my fault, honest Bolo, I promise mate! One minute she was screaming and then the next minute she weren't! Just like that! I swear, I don't even know what happened!

B.- You killed her, Lloyd!? YOU FUCKING KILLED HER!?

L.- I didn't mean it! I promise! I don't know what I did, it just happened!! I'M SORRY!!!

[He's sobbing like a child, his face is smeared with snot and tears. A small part of me almost pities him. I can only think that he's either seriously unstable or something tragic has happened in his life (like the End of The World wasn't enough..) that has made him this way. Either way, I've seen all I needed to see]

B.- Calm down, Lloyd. It's time for you to go now...

L.- No! NO! You'll fucking kill me, I know you will. You'll shoot me in the back, soon as I walk out! Look, I'm sorry, alright!? I'm really fucking sorry, mate. Just don't kill me, mate, PLEASE!!

[I raise my hand in a calming manner as I pick up the belt next to me]

B.- You're lucky, mate. It's not down to me who lives or dies. Besides, if I was going to kill you would I be giving you these?

[I drop the belt in front of him. He stares at the machete. Everybody here has learned how to use one...everybody except Lloyd. He always made excuses. In the gloom I see his face suddenly change again. He has a vicious, hate-filled look in his eyes. When he speaks next his jaw is clenched and his teeth are grinding together]

L.- And what the FUCK am I supposed to do with THAT!? You know I can't use one! I'll get torn to fucking SHREDS!!

[His next comment surprises even me]

L.- [He says flatly] I want a gun...

B.- [I almost laugh] You know we can't spare any guns, Lloyd.

L.- [He speaks slowly] I'm not.. going anywhere.. without.. a fucking.. GUN!!

[I talk like I'm explaining to a petulant child]

B.- Now, listen carefully. You're leaving, and I'm not giving you a gun. Considering what you've done, you're lucky I'm giving you anything. Now, stand up please. It's time to go.

[Again, he stares at me, but this time, he complies. He struggles to his feet and shakes his legs to get some circulation back]

L.- How am I supposed to get anywhere, eh? It's too fucking dark!?

B.- It's only dark in here. Outside it's a full moon, and a clear sky. You'll be able to see enough.

L.- Give me the glow stick.

B.- No.

L.- ...prick...

[I pull out my knife]

B.- Turn round, Lloyd.

L.- Why? You gonna stab me in the fucking back, coward.

[I push his shoulder to turn him round. He's just trying to rile me, as he knows I'm just going to cut his ropes. However, before I cut them, I give him the slightest nudge with the tip of the blade, as a warning. He stiffens, but doesn't speak. I know he understands me. I cut the rope and take a step back. He picks up the belt and stands there, still, facing the door]

B.- When you get outside, walk straight ahead to the tree line. Carry on going straight and there's a farm house about a mile away. There's probably no-one there, but I reckon that's for the best, don't you?

[He looks at me with with distrust, but he knows that he has no other choice. He opens the old wooden door and takes a cautious look outside, before taking one step out into the open air. That's as far as he goes, fear causing him to stop. I speak softly, but firmly]

B.-...Go...

[He turns his head to look at me and I find myself relieved to know that I''ll never look into those eyes again. And then, with one final poisonous grin, he says...]

L.- See you later...

[He turns away and starts walking, slowly, and in my mind I hear a voice...]

"See you later", he said. "See you later"... He's gonna come back.."

[A second voice appears. It seems that I have no control over either]

"No, he's not. He knows he'll be killed if he dares to show up here again."

"He's got to die..."

"No! We can't kill him! We're not a murderer, Lloyd is!"

"Exactly! Lloyd is a MURDERER. He killed that little girl, he nearly killed Nana, and he'll kill us when he comes back!

"But he's not coming back!"

"Really!? And what d'you think he's going to do when he finds out that there is no farmhouse over there?"

[...silence...]

"And why did we even tell him that there was!?"

"We had to tell him something to get him walking... to get him away.."

"No. We told him there was a farmhouse that way because it is the only direction he can go that would give us a clear shot!"

"NO!"

[It seems my concious mind is elsewhere for now as I take a step back into the shadows of the outhouse. Even if Lloyd turns round now, he won't be able to see me. I sit on the floor with my right side to the wall opposite the door. The rifle is resting on my left knee. I drop my head behind the scope, adjusting the focus until I can see Lloyd's back in the cross hairs with pinpoint clarity. I raise the cross hairs slightly and hold them steady on the back of his neck]

"What's going on!?"

"We're just going to cover him for a minute. Just to make sure that he doesn't get munched before he reaches the tree line."

"That's a fucking lie!!"

"LISTEN! If... WHEN... Lloyd comes back, what do you think he's going to bring with him? A posie of daffodils and a "sorry"!? More likely it'll be a gallon of unleaded and a fucking zippo! He.. will.. KILL.. US!! At least this way, we will be safe and he... well..., his will be just one more death in an ocean of billions..."

"His death will be on our hands."

"...and that is the way it has to be..."

[...silence...]

[I am still sitting there, looking through the scope at Lloyd. My finger is resting lightly on the trigger. My consciousness is still taking a back seat to these two voices and I feel completely impartial to the situation. It's simply like, while they're arguing, I'm just waiting for my orders.

I can see that Lloyd is nearing the tree line. Soon he will be safe.

But just as he is about to step into the shadow of the woods the two voices speak.

Each say one word...

The same word...]

"DIE!"

"...die..."

I pull the trigger.

"Bye bye, Lloyd."

"..goodbye, Lloyd..."