RomeroPilato's Blog – May 2009 Archive (7)

For the last year I’ve spent many of my days watching so many people die. And they didn’t die well. Their demises have been slow, brutal and heartbreakingly excruciating.



Today was no exception.



There I stood in the pummeling pouring rain, in the middle of a large subway car yard transfixed by the searing sight of a family of three fighting for their lives. My blood boiled as I witnessed death manifested in the reanimated form of a shambling shell of what used to be a… Continue

I just can’t stop eating. God help me I can’t. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I wish. No matter how much I pray. Nothing can prevent me from gorging. And then…purging. It’s a sick, sad cycle that never ends. What goes down, comes back up. I ‘m plagued with the constant urge to purge. Not just the digested food in my stomach but the pain in my head, the pangs in my heart and the heaviness in my soul.



Unfortunately, the only thing I’m able to get out of my shoddy system is… Continue

It is early morning and I’m staring outside a window. I see that Spring is coming. It makes me sad. There’s burgeoning beauty outside and I can’t truly savor it.



Because I’m stuck in here. Trapped within this formidable four walls. I always hated school. Especially high school. When I say that I hated school I don’t mean I loathed the enlightening and enriching process of academic education. I hated the sickening social scene, the crushing conformity, the callous cliques and the… Continue

Well...I'm not dead. I'm still alive. Still writing, still wanting. Desperately wanting my piece of peace. Which I'm not going to get anytime soon. What I have gotten recently though is sanctuary-in the form of a high school turned rescue shelter. I’m here because I got literally sick of being in that shitty, sub zero degrees shack . The reason I stayed there as long was a) I became very lazy. And b) during the last few weeks the zombie threat around me was too great to venture far out. Their… Continue

My writing days are just about done. This will be my last entry. For now, anyway. No, I haven't lost the compulsion to scribe the stuff from my soul. Or unable to recover from a devastating collision into a writer's block. I will no longer be writing because very soon I will have nothing to write with. At this point in time, I am putting thoughts to paper using a pencil that's nearly useless - worn down to the nub.



I did have another pencil, but I lost it during a brutal struggle… Continue

It's been two weeks since I relieved my Grace from her needless suffering. And I still can't move past the agony of what I've done, although I had no choice. I'm violently writhing in a world of pure pain. I wish there was someone would relieve me of my suffering. I'd do it myself but in the end, I know I'll pussy out. There was one time I did gain the nerve to go all the way through with blowing my head off. The only reason my cranium is still intact is because when I pulled the trigger… Continue

I went outside earlier today to procure some badly needed supplies. When I went out into the open, it wasn't just the living dead that haunted me. A ghost from the past appeared out of nowhere to spook me. Grace was the ghost's name. Grace was my ex-girlfriend. I considered her for a long time to be the most beautiful creature that God ever created. Grace was truly something special inside and out.



I spent some of the best years of my life with her. Unfortunately, my wonderful thing… Continue