Kitty Kat's Blog – April 2011 Archive (11)

Somebody tell me what I should do... My heart is aching, as my anxiety gets worse and worse. The guy I love... yes him, the one who is always on my mind. Some thing is happening to us. He has told me multiple times, nothing can separate us besides death, and his mom. His mom... why? 

 

My guy's mom wants him to marry specific girls. She doesn't want him marrying scum like me. She doesn't know me though... how…

Continue

A coating of despair coats your heart, choking it slowly. You can feel the weight of all the pressure on your shoulders. Carefully avoiding gazes of the people around you, you keep your head down. They all want so much, expect so much from you, draining you like vampires.

 

There is no hope for people like you, as you remain unseen, but used. Holding the pain tenderly in your…

Continue

Can you truly call it love when you honestly don’t mind if the one you love doesn’t want to be with you but someone else? Can it honestly be love when all you literally want is for them to be happy, even if it hurts you so much?

 

He says he loves me, and that the only thing that can separate us is death. I am not convinced. I have no self worth, and so I really don’t see what he sees in me. I am so many imperfections squeezed into one small female body. I know that no one is…

Continue

I am currently enrolled in a psychology class. I thought it would better help me understand what defines me, and what makes other people tick.

 

Yesterday we were going into a new chapter. We just got done studying personality and defense mechanisms and such, and are now entering a chapter on stress and on how to deal with it. We talked about characteristics of stress and some effects it has on us.

 

As I was following along with the teacher, it all punched me in…

Continue

Every day I dream about you more and more. I imagine the things I’m going to say to you, and the things I’m going to do with you. Staring out the window during class when the chance is presented to me, I stare off into the sky, thinking about just what I want to do when I finally get the chance to be with you in person, and just what that would be like. My imagination probably spices things up, so I’m sure it really won’t be like what is inside my head, but still, I am excited. Some of it…

Continue

Hey everyone, Kitty here.

 

I wanted to clear up some confusion about my writing. Some of what I write seems like it's real, which is somewhat true. All my writing comes from some of my experiences and just thoughts in my head. So far, what I have posted are things I have written a while back! But I wanted to share them to see what my friends here would think. 

 

Although my writing implies I have issues, most of it is all fictional and just fun. I have a lot of…

Continue

My breath is coming out in ragged gasps and my heart is accelerating beyond its more comfortable pace.

"What should I do, what should I do?" I whisper to myself.

Hot tears are streaming down my face. I can hear his footsteps echoing in the hallway. The no longer sound like soft steps... everything seems even louder than usual.

My heart leaps into my throat as the doorknob squeaks as it turns. The door creaks as it opens. Stay as still as I possibly can, I watch…

Continue

All I could see was myself lying on the ground, with my blood pooled around me. I was paralyzed; numb. My senses were limited to very small things, and everything else was nothing to me. I couldn’t hear anything but silence; I couldn’t feel anything but emptiness, I couldn’t taste anything, all that I could smell was the stinging sense of nothing, the smell that made your noise hurt and yet painfully remember that smell, the smell you always recognize as that nothingness. I couldn’t tell if I… Continue

Your anger scares me. It’s like a living monster in my dreams. It’s the monster in my closet, under my bed, in my heart, in my mind, in fiction, and in reality. It determines my strengths and weaknesses. My body knows when it’s around naturally, as if a predator knows its prey. It frightens me to no end, to know that your anger’s presence is around me. I will bow my head, on my knees, and beg for your forgiveness. I will make myself better. No matter what, please, don’t leave me. Your anger…

Continue

If I were a mistake, what kind of mistake would I be?

 

I would be the grave mistake. The kind of mistake that is always an accident, but never forgotten. The mistake that is almost impossible to forgive, no matter how much time or thought is dedicated to the matter. The mistake that everyone cringes away from, as if to make it any less real. The mistake that forever scars, emotionally and mentally. The mistake that one cannot stop, once in motion. The mistake that one knows…

Continue

What would you do if you thought you loved a person who mistreated you? How would you deal with your thoughts? Would you feel horrified knowing that even though you hate them, your thoughts keep returning to them, fondly? Could you be angry with yourself for harboring those feelings?

 

Sometimes my brain betrays me, loves to torment me, no matter how much I plead or beg for it to stop. It puts past traumas on repeat in my mind, sparks painful thoughts, images, and things…

Continue